dating is hard... what are we going to do about it?
matchmaking is open + in-person party signup
Hello! I asked you guys about your biggest dating challenges and got 81 responses. I will put them in a spreadsheet for paid subscribers, you can find the link below. Here’s a sneak peek:
Why are you single?
I just got divorced and I don’t know how to start dating after 20 years
I'm dating, but not being in a relationship. Because neither of us are ready, and the situation (working, living) we're in isn't ideal for a relationship
I broke up with my boyfriend five months ago. It’s very hard to find someone who has his strengths but not his weaknesses.
For you, what is the most challenging thing about dating?
How transactional it is - I prefer to start from a basis of friendship but expectations have generally shifted
don't meet very many people in general due to low success rate in online dating and shyness. Most of my friends are in relationships and don't have have many single female friends. The hardest part for me is the initial interest to date setup phase, after that I don't have any problems picking out people I like and going on further dates
Ghosting. One of the byproducts of the gender imbalance is that women have SO many options so it’s very easy to just “not engage.” To be fair, we (men) have our own share of problems
What do you think of the dating app experience?
I liked that it increased the range of people I would normally be exposed to / meet, but it’s not a real substitute for being able to suss out someone’s energy in person and decide whether or not you’re drawn to it
Felt okay in 2020-2022, now feels like a big hot mess that I don't want to experience
It’s not that bad? After I started lying about my height it got a lot better. Feels immoral though.
Many announcements below, please read
The very condensed version of the last four years of my life might be: I started writing about relationships, and discovered that my writing might be a way not only for me to meet people, but for other people to meet each other. This is exciting and I’m still trying to figure out how it all fits together. Please bear with me as I continue to try things out. Okay:
Matchmaking round 3:
Here we go again… The form is mostly the same. This time, you do have the option to add yourself to my matchmaking database, which just means as I experiment with specialized matchmaking I will potentially send people who seem like a good fit your way! If you say “yes” to that I’ll ask you to provide some photos of yourself and other information. If you’re not interested, just skip that section.
Some testimonials from people who are still seeing their match:
If you've been hesitant or have never used online dating apps (like me), Bookbear Express matchmaking provides a good on-ramp without feeling like there’s a lot of emotional risk. It expands your pool and offers several potential matches, without overwhelming you with choices. You also get a chance to work out your own process for getting to know someone from scratch (what medium to use when, what might you ask and share, potential activities, and the pacing that feels right for you at this stage of life). In working out the process by doing things, it could prove useful if you ever decide to transition over to online dating apps.
I'm grateful to Bookbear Express matchmaking for pairing me with someone who felt like a friend I knew for a while. There likely couldn't have been another way we could have met. Thanks Ava and Sophia! =D
I spent the better part of a decade having my soul drained by dating apps, and now I'm in my first-ever romantic relationship with my Bookbear Express match. Your mileage may vary, of course, but there's *something* working right here
Specialized matchmaking
In a world where matching is largely handled by algorithms, perhaps what you need is the judgment of a single woman. A woman who writes a blog about complex emotions, say.
If you opt in for this particular type of matching you will pay $400 and I will connect you with four people you have never met who, based on the information you’ve provided me, I think could be a good match. This is for the people who give me feedback like “Your form is not specific enough, I don’t understand why you matched me with this person” and “I wish you would ask people what their height is.” I really like running a values-based matchmaking experiment and will keep doing it but I also want to give people an option for more specialized matchmaking.
I’ll need to play around to figure out my capacity. Please fill out this form if you’re interested and I will send you a payment link + further questionnaire if I think I can match you.
Matchmaking party on February 10th in SF:
Okay I’m gonna give paid subscribers the first opportunity to sign up.
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to bookbear express to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.