intensity / moderation

Chaim Soutine, Les Maisons, 1921

In an interview SZA said something like, “I’ve always been delusional, and that’s my greatest strength and weakness.” I’ve essentially matured with you by my side and I think you don’t understand how much it’s warped my view of reality. You accept my emotionality without flinching and you’ve always believed that I could do whatever I set my mind to. From this I’ve learned a lot about how to give and receive love, and moreover how to safely contain my emotions.

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I read something once that went, there are two types of women you can be in our culture, emotionally speaking. The have-it-all-together type that has a job on Wall Street or is running a thriving chain of juice bars or is on track for tenure at Harvard, cool and composed. Or the type that is out of control. You know: the woman who loves too much. Tracey Emin, Chris Kraus, Elizabeth Wurtzel. I have always ostensibly been the former type, but there is also a part of me that wants—needs—to feel out of control. I inherited the acute sensitivity from my father. But I also have the pragmatism from my mother. I’ve always liked the contrast between the two: the chaotic, passionate, private self. The sturdy, sunny, practical self. More and more it seems like the latter dominates.