Been trying to put this in the way you put for months: “As a rule the psychologically healthier someone is, the less time it takes them to do something they were eventually going to do anyway.”
The ideas here seem very much in conversation with Joan Didion's classic essay "On Self-Respect" (https://sites.gatech.edu/alexburgin/on-self-respect-by-joan-didion/), perhaps because both of them end with an exhortation against running away... though the metaphor of being unafraid to look under the rocks in your backyard is probably better for 2026 than some of Didion's weirdly colonialist metaphors!
avoidant in recovery. have found telling the truth about how i feel is so much better than low grade resentments or regrets. thank you for the elegant and pointed essay!
I really like how you describe the distinctions / intersections of intrapersonal and interpersonal conflict.
Interestingly, the two types have less symmetry for me. My experiences with interpersonal conflict were quite confronting from a young age - which actually motivated my resolve to check under rocks with care. However, because it was such an uphill battle - doing that in hostile environments - I can be quite intrapersonally avoidant and get stuck. It's something about the safety I cultivated within that I fear losing or straining. But then, I guess that isn't properly safety at all.
Anyway, super thought-provoking. Really appreciate this!
Been trying to put this in the way you put for months: “As a rule the psychologically healthier someone is, the less time it takes them to do something they were eventually going to do anyway.”
Beautiful essay
The ideas here seem very much in conversation with Joan Didion's classic essay "On Self-Respect" (https://sites.gatech.edu/alexburgin/on-self-respect-by-joan-didion/), perhaps because both of them end with an exhortation against running away... though the metaphor of being unafraid to look under the rocks in your backyard is probably better for 2026 than some of Didion's weirdly colonialist metaphors!
I really liked the line about how when you are psychologically healthy, you can simply deal with conflict better! Thank you for a great read!
avoidant in recovery. have found telling the truth about how i feel is so much better than low grade resentments or regrets. thank you for the elegant and pointed essay!
Recently I’m making it my personal mission to heal from being a people pleaser and you couldn’t have done a better job at motivating me <3
I really like how you describe the distinctions / intersections of intrapersonal and interpersonal conflict.
Interestingly, the two types have less symmetry for me. My experiences with interpersonal conflict were quite confronting from a young age - which actually motivated my resolve to check under rocks with care. However, because it was such an uphill battle - doing that in hostile environments - I can be quite intrapersonally avoidant and get stuck. It's something about the safety I cultivated within that I fear losing or straining. But then, I guess that isn't properly safety at all.
Anyway, super thought-provoking. Really appreciate this!
conflict fun!