For years I felt stuck in a holding pattern, unable to make meaningful progress. I always had a clear sense of what I was interested in, but the actual next steps were opaque to me. I remember being in college and asking my poetry professor how I could improve my poetry. And he said he thought my poems were good. And I said… I didn’t know how to word it, but what I really wanted to say was that I knew they were okay, but I could feel such a delta between what I was making and what I wanted to make, and I wanted to know how I could close that gap. And I guess what I understand now is that no one can really tell you that. The most important thing I’ve learned since then is that
passivity born out of shame: yes. The feeling of embarrassment because i’m “trying too hard”: felt. this was so relieving to read. definitely inspiring me to be more consistent myself.
Thanks you for this. I found every word resonant, and had to keep re-reading sentences to make sure I fully took them in, because it was surreal to read someone else saying things I have thought and felt for years. It’s that feeling of relief that washes over you because you recognize you’re not alone, not crazy, and actually on to something.
Not all types of practice are equal… that part gave me a little nervous swoop in my belly, just realizing that a lot of the time when I practice, I go for what I already know and just repeat it instead of challenging myself. Thanks for that, I’m gonna work on that.
I definitely understand that fear. You can't get rejected if you don't put yourself out there...even though I really want to be a writer and make a living doing that. My own Substack has helped substantially. I've been writing consistently since November and it has helped in a lot of ways.
I'd sometimes like to believe that people who are much better at a task than I am, have held on to this "consistency" for too long and strong that whatever you throw at them, they know they'll get over it and this is a perpetual cycle of their unreachable glamour.
passivity born out of shame: yes. The feeling of embarrassment because i’m “trying too hard”: felt. this was so relieving to read. definitely inspiring me to be more consistent myself.
Thanks you for this. I found every word resonant, and had to keep re-reading sentences to make sure I fully took them in, because it was surreal to read someone else saying things I have thought and felt for years. It’s that feeling of relief that washes over you because you recognize you’re not alone, not crazy, and actually on to something.
Not all types of practice are equal… that part gave me a little nervous swoop in my belly, just realizing that a lot of the time when I practice, I go for what I already know and just repeat it instead of challenging myself. Thanks for that, I’m gonna work on that.
your work is fantastic. I learn something every piece and you put a smile on my face. your work connects with me. thank you
wow. this hit home for me. Thank you <3
I definitely understand that fear. You can't get rejected if you don't put yourself out there...even though I really want to be a writer and make a living doing that. My own Substack has helped substantially. I've been writing consistently since November and it has helped in a lot of ways.
I'd sometimes like to believe that people who are much better at a task than I am, have held on to this "consistency" for too long and strong that whatever you throw at them, they know they'll get over it and this is a perpetual cycle of their unreachable glamour.
*reading this entire essay and wouldn’t stop nodding and saying yep yep me too*
absolute banger