>I was very frightened the first couple of times this happened. As you can imagine, it’s not a part of my everyday experience and not something I knew how to process. I felt extremely disoriented and not sure what was going. Luckily, I was aware that this was a temporary state, and was able to tell myself to calm down and act normal. Interestingly enough, when the person I’m tripping with talks to me (this happens on low doses so the other person is usually feeling pretty normal and wants to chat), I’m more or less able to hold a normal conversation, and so far no one has noticed anything is off, despite the intensity of my internal experience. When the shrooms wear off and I’m back to my usual self, I always feel relieved.
forgive me if i'm misreading or overreaching, but after reading this paragraph, which describes an in-the-moment feeling that sounds kinda unpleasant--at first it was frightening, even now the feeling is described as off--i guess i felt kind of surprised by how much of the rest of this piece focused on longterm upsides. like i think you're right about leaning in to fear as a way to grow overall, but, & this probably reflects overstriving for control on my part, i was left wondering about potential downsides to this process
not overreaching!! I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it or suggest it to anyone else. I think I have a pretty good understanding of why it happens for me—I’m sort of a shrooms superresponder and they totally transformed my mental health in a similar way that longterm meditation affects people. but I think that comes with the side effect of sort of falling into “ego death-y” states quite easily. whether those states are “good” probably depends on the vantage point
I’ve been feeling very similarly recently. Coming to realize just how much I have been trying to control myself and the things that happen around me. And the more I realize how much I’m trying to control, the easier it becomes to let go. Thank you so much for sharing this.
So interesting and glad I stumbled on this post, Ava. When I reflect on experiences I've had, many of the same themes that come to mind- control/ego/anxiety. I've tried to explain to people that if you imagine your brain as a pancake, psilocybin feels like flipping your brain to the other side. It opens up a part of you that is usually beyond access, especially if you've been on a linear, conventional path.
>I was very frightened the first couple of times this happened. As you can imagine, it’s not a part of my everyday experience and not something I knew how to process. I felt extremely disoriented and not sure what was going. Luckily, I was aware that this was a temporary state, and was able to tell myself to calm down and act normal. Interestingly enough, when the person I’m tripping with talks to me (this happens on low doses so the other person is usually feeling pretty normal and wants to chat), I’m more or less able to hold a normal conversation, and so far no one has noticed anything is off, despite the intensity of my internal experience. When the shrooms wear off and I’m back to my usual self, I always feel relieved.
forgive me if i'm misreading or overreaching, but after reading this paragraph, which describes an in-the-moment feeling that sounds kinda unpleasant--at first it was frightening, even now the feeling is described as off--i guess i felt kind of surprised by how much of the rest of this piece focused on longterm upsides. like i think you're right about leaning in to fear as a way to grow overall, but, & this probably reflects overstriving for control on my part, i was left wondering about potential downsides to this process
not overreaching!! I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it or suggest it to anyone else. I think I have a pretty good understanding of why it happens for me—I’m sort of a shrooms superresponder and they totally transformed my mental health in a similar way that longterm meditation affects people. but I think that comes with the side effect of sort of falling into “ego death-y” states quite easily. whether those states are “good” probably depends on the vantage point
Some text appears twice: "The unpredictable and the predetermined...through the computer you can".
thanks for catching!
I’ve been feeling very similarly recently. Coming to realize just how much I have been trying to control myself and the things that happen around me. And the more I realize how much I’m trying to control, the easier it becomes to let go. Thank you so much for sharing this.
So interesting and glad I stumbled on this post, Ava. When I reflect on experiences I've had, many of the same themes that come to mind- control/ego/anxiety. I've tried to explain to people that if you imagine your brain as a pancake, psilocybin feels like flipping your brain to the other side. It opens up a part of you that is usually beyond access, especially if you've been on a linear, conventional path.