This feels like the words of a version of myself I didn’t know I could become—as if I were reading a letter from my future self, written from a place where honesty was finally conquered; describing how I learned to be totally authentic and finally, braver. A place I haven’t reached yet. A place I admire and respect, and the place I’m trying to wake up in.
i’m also learning this lesson and it’s comforting to read your experience of it, thank you for sharing.
the Otherness of the people we love is terrifying, but i’m with you, it’s always worth the risk. i noted this quote from a book i’m currently reading (Scaffolding by Lauren Elkin) and has been circling my mind:
“It’s terrifying to accept the essential otherness of the people we care for. But what is even more terrifying is admitting to yourself that in spite of the bridge you think you’ve crossed — in spite of the fact that time, and you, and their commitment to you, have converted them from a stranger into the person you know the best in the world — in spite of all that — they are still irrevocably Other.”
There was a lump in my throat throughout reading and still is. I don't know how to express what it means to me to read someone else expressing what you did here. I'm not there (yet?). I'm so afraid of being perceived. While I'm more comfortable with myself than I've ever been because my significant other perceives me, the better he knows me, the more it feels like nobody else is allowed to, all the words caught in the recesses of my throat, blocked from years of underuse, still must find their way to the surface, but I can't seem to let them breathe. I don't know. Printing out your words to put up on the wall so my subconscious will soak them up. Thank you so so much.
You wrote this so beautifully 🥹 I'm subscribing!! Honestly it's so freaking hard being like this. I'm also lucky to have a lover who's brainwashed me into seeing myself as a beautiful smart person and all the other good things. I also have done alot of positive self talk. I'd like to think I've made a step forward. But I'm not there yet as I'd like but we'll get there🙌🏾 we'll be the rich aunties who don't give a flying fish about what anyone thinks😁just us, our thoughts, our actions living our best lives
This hit very close to home. I had the same realization during a public speaking course. I realized that the best way for me to connect with other people was to reach deep within myself to figure out exactly how I feel. It took practice and still takes me practice every day to do this
Hey Prashant, I took the course UltraSpeaking which was what helped this click in for me.
A combination of constantly having to think on my feet and trust myself lead me there. Another thing that really helped was to tell stories from your perspective which is typically the best way to relate to people.
I highly recommend the course as they have very practical ways of bringing this out.
For context, I tried therapy a few times before this and never found it as helpful as this speaking course. Hope that helps!
I hope to be the person who shows how much I love my people but also hold space for truth. Not every word I say is received pain free but I learned that real connection is build on a little pain here and there coming from open conversations. However undeniable love and care consists. You reminded me of that here :)
i relate so much to the endless people pleasing and needing to constantly craft & filter a version of myself for every scenario to try to be perceived in the perfect way. i'm trying to get better at becoming the type of person that doesn't need to constantly do that.
I definitely resonate a lot with this - albeit I'm not as far on my journey as this. I recently saw the film Marty Supreme and although some of his behaviour could be seen as problematic as someone who's struggled with expression through fear of rejection I marvelled in part at how liberating it must be to just live your life with such a sense of wild abandon.
I’m currently reading Kasia Urbaniak’s book: A woman’s guide to power unbound. It’s a very similar argument, where she also unpacks how women are conditioned to not ask for things and the whole patriarchal structure behind that. What I’ve liked so far the most is how she explains that when you ask someone for what you want, it’s also an opportunity for connection with them.
I've always prided myself on my honesty, but I now realize that's not the whole truth. (The irony does not escape me.) I can tell my friends what I think of their boyfriends and their new hair colour and that restaurant I wasn't a fan of, but I can never be honest about what matters. I'd sooner chop off my arm than tell someone they hurt my feelings, or that I miss them, or that I've been feeling lonely. I wonder what it would be like if I weren't scared.
Gosh everything you said hit me so hard. Wow. They really did a number on us didn't they🙌🏾 I'm glad that we're finding ourselves. I'm so glad we are because I think I'd be a bitter person if I kept on being that way. To not fearing judgment 🥂 and more importantly to not judging🥂
i don’t know how to say this without sounding dramatic, but this made me realize how much i still treat honesty like something i have to earn. like if i’m “good enough” first i’ll be allowed to say what i actually want. i’ve never thought about telling as something that saves before.
I'm now figuring out this lesson myself. For too long, I've put others feelings before my own, and swallowed my words because I felt they were too harsh. Constantly editing myself to fit a version that was "acceptable". Lately, I've been realizing it's more important to be authentic and tell others when they hurt you, instead of festering anger. 2026 is the year of healing those wounds!
This feels like the words of a version of myself I didn’t know I could become—as if I were reading a letter from my future self, written from a place where honesty was finally conquered; describing how I learned to be totally authentic and finally, braver. A place I haven’t reached yet. A place I admire and respect, and the place I’m trying to wake up in.
Thank. You.
Deeply thankful and captivated by.˙ ❥
This is a great description of how I felt reading it.
Oh my gosh me too😭😭😭
i’m also learning this lesson and it’s comforting to read your experience of it, thank you for sharing.
the Otherness of the people we love is terrifying, but i’m with you, it’s always worth the risk. i noted this quote from a book i’m currently reading (Scaffolding by Lauren Elkin) and has been circling my mind:
“It’s terrifying to accept the essential otherness of the people we care for. But what is even more terrifying is admitting to yourself that in spite of the bridge you think you’ve crossed — in spite of the fact that time, and you, and their commitment to you, have converted them from a stranger into the person you know the best in the world — in spite of all that — they are still irrevocably Other.”
There was a lump in my throat throughout reading and still is. I don't know how to express what it means to me to read someone else expressing what you did here. I'm not there (yet?). I'm so afraid of being perceived. While I'm more comfortable with myself than I've ever been because my significant other perceives me, the better he knows me, the more it feels like nobody else is allowed to, all the words caught in the recesses of my throat, blocked from years of underuse, still must find their way to the surface, but I can't seem to let them breathe. I don't know. Printing out your words to put up on the wall so my subconscious will soak them up. Thank you so so much.
You wrote this so beautifully 🥹 I'm subscribing!! Honestly it's so freaking hard being like this. I'm also lucky to have a lover who's brainwashed me into seeing myself as a beautiful smart person and all the other good things. I also have done alot of positive self talk. I'd like to think I've made a step forward. But I'm not there yet as I'd like but we'll get there🙌🏾 we'll be the rich aunties who don't give a flying fish about what anyone thinks😁just us, our thoughts, our actions living our best lives
This hit very close to home. I had the same realization during a public speaking course. I realized that the best way for me to connect with other people was to reach deep within myself to figure out exactly how I feel. It took practice and still takes me practice every day to do this
Hey Prashant, I took the course UltraSpeaking which was what helped this click in for me.
A combination of constantly having to think on my feet and trust myself lead me there. Another thing that really helped was to tell stories from your perspective which is typically the best way to relate to people.
I highly recommend the course as they have very practical ways of bringing this out.
For context, I tried therapy a few times before this and never found it as helpful as this speaking course. Hope that helps!
Hey Parth, mind sharing more? How do you practice this? I am in the same boat and would love to get any advice
Love this line- "I couldn’t understand that telling saves."
This makes me think of a quote from Andrea Gibson: “Even if the truth isn’t hopeful, the telling of it is.”
Thank you for telling the truth.
I hope to be the person who shows how much I love my people but also hold space for truth. Not every word I say is received pain free but I learned that real connection is build on a little pain here and there coming from open conversations. However undeniable love and care consists. You reminded me of that here :)
i relate so much to the endless people pleasing and needing to constantly craft & filter a version of myself for every scenario to try to be perceived in the perfect way. i'm trying to get better at becoming the type of person that doesn't need to constantly do that.
I definitely resonate a lot with this - albeit I'm not as far on my journey as this. I recently saw the film Marty Supreme and although some of his behaviour could be seen as problematic as someone who's struggled with expression through fear of rejection I marvelled in part at how liberating it must be to just live your life with such a sense of wild abandon.
I’m currently reading Kasia Urbaniak’s book: A woman’s guide to power unbound. It’s a very similar argument, where she also unpacks how women are conditioned to not ask for things and the whole patriarchal structure behind that. What I’ve liked so far the most is how she explains that when you ask someone for what you want, it’s also an opportunity for connection with them.
I've always prided myself on my honesty, but I now realize that's not the whole truth. (The irony does not escape me.) I can tell my friends what I think of their boyfriends and their new hair colour and that restaurant I wasn't a fan of, but I can never be honest about what matters. I'd sooner chop off my arm than tell someone they hurt my feelings, or that I miss them, or that I've been feeling lonely. I wonder what it would be like if I weren't scared.
I'm sorry but are you me? Or were*
Gosh everything you said hit me so hard. Wow. They really did a number on us didn't they🙌🏾 I'm glad that we're finding ourselves. I'm so glad we are because I think I'd be a bitter person if I kept on being that way. To not fearing judgment 🥂 and more importantly to not judging🥂
i don’t know how to say this without sounding dramatic, but this made me realize how much i still treat honesty like something i have to earn. like if i’m “good enough” first i’ll be allowed to say what i actually want. i’ve never thought about telling as something that saves before.
This really resonates… Learning to articulate my needs and wants too! Thank you for sharing this beautifully reflective and thoughtful piece <3
What a joy to read something that gives voice to exactly one feels! Thank you for this ❤️
I'm now figuring out this lesson myself. For too long, I've put others feelings before my own, and swallowed my words because I felt they were too harsh. Constantly editing myself to fit a version that was "acceptable". Lately, I've been realizing it's more important to be authentic and tell others when they hurt you, instead of festering anger. 2026 is the year of healing those wounds!