felt it when you say humiliation is the beginning of freedom. everytime i feel stuck or flat in life, i try to put myself in new situations or new hobbies. being a newbie helps me feel humiliated (in. good way) but also makes me realize "oh there are still things i can try again". therefore i feel free. i can choose more things just to feel something new rather than spiral down in my own thoughts that jails my own capability. thank you for writing this!
The most durable abusive relationships are designed to trap you by rewarding the behavior that got you stuck in the first place and viciously punishing any move towards autonomy the moment it appears. This is why such relationships often feel like surveillance: they are. Individual talk therapy usually does not help as it has an economic model that runs on a more benign version of the same trap. To point out the system dynamic too carefully (that can free you from abuse) is also to break a reliable revenue stream for the therapist. If that approach is applied at the system level across all patients, the therapist’s customer base could shrink by high double digits. Anybody who thinks therapists are not incentivized by this is paying insufficient attention to what’s going on.
felt it when you say humiliation is the beginning of freedom. everytime i feel stuck or flat in life, i try to put myself in new situations or new hobbies. being a newbie helps me feel humiliated (in. good way) but also makes me realize "oh there are still things i can try again". therefore i feel free. i can choose more things just to feel something new rather than spiral down in my own thoughts that jails my own capability. thank you for writing this!
> People’s problems are generally created by their approaches, which is why trying harder tends to just drive them in deeper.
Reminds me of the time I was dead set on meditating myself out of burnout for 6 months—no external help—made no progress whatsoever
This was such a hearty need!
This spoke to me so deeply. Thanks for writing, as always, ava!
This was a pleasure to read. I need to reflect on this. Thank you!
The most durable abusive relationships are designed to trap you by rewarding the behavior that got you stuck in the first place and viciously punishing any move towards autonomy the moment it appears. This is why such relationships often feel like surveillance: they are. Individual talk therapy usually does not help as it has an economic model that runs on a more benign version of the same trap. To point out the system dynamic too carefully (that can free you from abuse) is also to break a reliable revenue stream for the therapist. If that approach is applied at the system level across all patients, the therapist’s customer base could shrink by high double digits. Anybody who thinks therapists are not incentivized by this is paying insufficient attention to what’s going on.
A brilliant piece. Thank you for sharing. ⭐️