Fort Greene park in November: we crush the leaves with the weigh of our bodies and I read Nevada, a novel about a transgender New York punk woman. I take Yumi out of her pouch and she chews on the grass, exposes her belly to the gray sky. My whole life I wanted one dog and now I have two. When I was a kid I also wanted a green-eyed boyfriend and a spacious apartment and time to write. Instead of being grateful I’m constantly annoyed at myself for not writing more, writing deeper. I read other people’s writing and think to myself: do
Seems like the hardest thing to do for our generation is ruthlessly focus and cut everything else out. Thank you for the advice of trusting a feeling! Tryign to figure it out only seems to create more fragmentation and suffering
She also integrated her idea of positive obsession into the fictional religion of Earthseed in her "Parables" books, basically saying it's what gives life purpose/meaning:
There’s a Joan Mitchell/Claude Monet side by side at the LV institute in Paris through January I think. If you happen to be there, it’s quite an amazing and emotional exhibition
Thanks for this essay; it’s exactly what I was thinking about last night (your essays tend to have a lot of synchronicity like that). I constantly want more and am constantly dissatisfied, but I too couldn’t give up writing even if I am sorely disappointed with it. Beautiful writing, thanks :)
❤️ I feel you.
Seems like the hardest thing to do for our generation is ruthlessly focus and cut everything else out. Thank you for the advice of trusting a feeling! Tryign to figure it out only seems to create more fragmentation and suffering
Have you read Octavia E. Butler's essay "Positive Obsession"? It's a brief history of her writing career, and resonates quite a bit with what you're talking about here: https://loa-shared.s3.amazonaws.com/static/pdf/Butler_Positive_Obsession.pdf
She also integrated her idea of positive obsession into the fictional religion of Earthseed in her "Parables" books, basically saying it's what gives life purpose/meaning:
Prodigy is, at its essence,
adaptability and persistent,
positive obsession. Without
persistence, what remains is an
enthusiasm of the moment. Without
adaptability, what remains may
be channeled into destructive
fanaticism. Without positive
obsession, there is nothing at all.
https://godischange.org/the-book-of-the-living/
why is this called stamina?
There’s a Joan Mitchell/Claude Monet side by side at the LV institute in Paris through January I think. If you happen to be there, it’s quite an amazing and emotional exhibition
Thanks for this essay; it’s exactly what I was thinking about last night (your essays tend to have a lot of synchronicity like that). I constantly want more and am constantly dissatisfied, but I too couldn’t give up writing even if I am sorely disappointed with it. Beautiful writing, thanks :)