12 Comments

Excellent essay Ava, I'm keeping a closer eye out for the wince and will be sure to turn toward it when I notice it. Christopher Alexander is one of my favorite thinkers - I just used another quote of his in my last article in reference to the "wherever you go, there you are" phrase many people like to use:

"There is a myth, sometimes widespread, that a person need do only inner work in order to be alive like this; that a man is entirely responsible for his own problems; and that to cure himself, he need only change himself. But it is a one-sided and mistaken view which also maintains the arrogance of the belief that the individual is self-sufficient, and not dependent in any essential way on his surroundings.

The fact is, a person is so far formed by his surroundings, that his state of harmony depends entirely on his harmony with his surroundings. Some kinds of physical and social circumstances help a person come to life. Others make it very difficult."

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so glad you're trying bounty-based matchmaking :)

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Came here to say this. I agree - having incentives aligned is super thoughtful and brings more intentionality with the participants. Looking forward to it!

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Wish I could hit the like button a few dozen times on this one. This take on the wince is brilliant and I can feel that I’m going to be thinking it over for weeks or maybe years. Thank you!

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i really like this!— giving uncomfortable feeling a place & using them as guidance

also reminds me of quote: in video games when u meet enemies that’s a sign ur moving in the right direction

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Wish I could save this 10x over. Thanks for writing what you write. :)

P.S. Sent you a DM over here on Substack - very new to that feature, but I think that's what I managed to do!

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God, this is one of my favourite posts ever! I kept reading and re-reading the same paragraphs. I want to restack soooo many of the eye-opening points from this article and I want to write the key ideas on my sticky notes. Ah, one good article - thank you for this!

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Love this essay!

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Very well written Eva. You really characterized a universal experience connected with a basic almost animal instinct of aversion. Even if we’re intrinsically motivated to do otherwise, often times there’s still a reluctance rooted in doing something hard. Maybe or nervous system doesn’t quite have the bandwidth or maybe we can’t imagine a positive outcome from how we’ve been busy framing it inside our head.

Also I appreciate the different areas of life broken up into your day. It kind of inspires me to weave more intrapersonal connection in my week. I know you don’t tend to write about your romantic life however I’m curious about dates or 1-1 time to build the relationship further. How does that go?

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“If a dream follows you around for years and years, even if when you try to bat it away, there’s probably something there.”

This is why I finally gave in and started writing in all the ways—professionally, personally, publicly. The thought, the want would just not go away. “Seems like nothing else will be No. 1,” I thought. “Might as well get down to it.”

And love the usage of wince to define and pinpoint the avoidance problem!

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Simplicity is the hardest thing. I’m officially on wince-watch! Thank you x

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Ava, your gift of applying a single, familiar word in a fresh way to a universal human experience that illuminates the exact area of my life in need of attention never ceases to surprise me. I always almost don't click on your posts then feel a pull, and they have never let me down. Thank you.

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