a Review of my time in therapy
This definitely resonates with me, too. I journal almost daily and sometimes when I read back old journals, I can see I've been speaking about the same thing for literally months on end, drawing up the same solutions and problems and revisiting them. Bad repetition, as you call it, can end up creating a new reality for me and it feels like the "norm" and like something I've progressed on even though it clearly is just a loop. I very much agree with you that a really good therapist can help untangle those thoughts and maybe stop you from resisting whatever your subconscious wants to surface.
Allowing your heart to break again, becoming ashes, and then rising anew - this is what good therapy does for me.
Quitting a relationship or a job can be an act of one-sided destruction outside norms of socialized, typical, accommodating, empathetic social existence.
For incongruous action to happen "naturally" it can take summoning mountains of unhappiness.. requiring one to fall into worrisome, dissociated, fugue, or drug states. It is so much easier to daily choose the small burden of minor unhappiness. Often it requires crisis to surmount the terror.
One's own recurring thoughts are easier to attribute to a continuous, coherent internal self-state than are the words we speak. Those words immediately become the self-apparent anxious reflective strife that they always were.
Maybe there are ways to recognize these things to have more fulfilling self discourse.
Thank you for sharing!!